Fishes are not made to fly (Dealing with identity crisis)

Ever since I started gaining certain perspective of my well being, I always tried to match my conscience with the validation of people around me.

I mean I did have an opinion of my own but it only mattered if it got approved by someone else.

When I turned 18 I realized that I need to take a charge of myself and own up to my decisions what so ever they may be, and here I am exactly 10 years later mulling over every life decision of mine and questioning my inner conflict and the purpose of my existence.

Evidently I am an over-thinker but in my defense I am at that point in my life where I really want to know the reason to live.

I am genuinely blessed and grateful. I really am!

But I don’t feel happy. I don’t relate to this person whom I am have become, every life encounter which I have had has affected me so immensely that now I feel empty and there is this void within me. I have given all of it which I had in me and now I feel clueless and exhausted.

What kind of identity crisis is this?

I certainly cannot remember who I was originally. Certainly, it’s great as I have evolved and I shouldn’t be the same person who I was a decade ago but who exactly am I? Who I used to be? Who I have become?

It’s hysterically funny. How could someone ask such bizarre questions at this point of time? However, Shakespeare was also kind of interested in such dilemma; ‘To be, or not to be.’

I am looking for eternity, miracle, love and connection. I need emotional stability to move forward in life, but truly in a garden full of roses, lilies and orchids, who would want to opt for a lotus grown inside the mud? haha!

I am in such a bad state right now; my neck has become completely stiff out of stress and anxiety, still I am here journaling or blogging about my thoughts and my inner conflicts. I have taken pain killers and muscle relaxants but somewhere I know it’s an internal ache, and it won’t subside until and unless I further dwell deep into it.

Why we have imposed such pressure upon us where we have to act, or behave a certain way in order to achieve these validations from the society such as;

ü Academics

ü Career

ü Health

ü Marriage

ü kids

Why cannot we first be aware of ourselves?

Why are we placed in this rut of comparison ever since we are brought into this world?

I believe age is a numerical value which gets attached to our identity just like our names so that every year or in the case of our beloved names every freaking day we are being reminded of our god damn worth. 

Why?

A fully grown individual can be an immature person; who is unable to make correct choices because of inexperience, on the contrary a young kid could be more resilient and mature due to his completely different life experiences. How will you categorize these age groups?

It is certainly noteworthy that age is subjective. Then, what are we celebrating about?

There can be no match between a monkey and a lion. How can we compare ourselves with each other then?

Why can’t we ask such questions? What is conventional and acceptable for the majority of people out there cannot be made a societal norm or a criterion to be observed by everyone.

What is normal for majority of the fishes in the sea cannot be made normal for the crows in the sky, it simply cannot happen! That’s why both of these species are categorically placed in different environments by nature itself in order to survive wisely and live happily, doing every day what they are naturally best at doing, and not trying to adopt qualities of each other which they certainly don’t possess and they don’t need to!

It is what is it is!

I genuinely feel the environment plays a key role however in our case as we are the only species who have the power of intellect and by now we all know it’s not what is outside of our bodies which is important, it’s actually our internal environment which is integral for our survival.

If we keep on blaming the outside world nothing good will ever come out of it!

I knew it! the aftermaths of reading so many self help books would eventually reflect in my blog! Never mind....

So the first step towards questioning about my identity is actually acceptance of the fact that we all are Human Beings; we simply exist.

This body is actually the vessel or the external environment, containing us, whereas our intellect, that is the most imminent part of the consciousness, is our real internal environment.

Did you notice that the outside world, the peer pressure and comparisons has nothing to do with our existence?   

After accepting this phenomenon, I moved on to the next step of realization;

You don’t need to be or not to be, you are a being, and we all are a part of the same consciousness. However, the intellect which we possess individually; acquires skills, memorizes facts, languages and behaviors through outside forces, therefore providing us with different identities and belief systems.

Our identity gets build upon by outside influences from the time of our birth till we die. But as we evolve throughout our lives, we keep on adapting in response to our unique experiences and circumstances.

What if we reverse this process?

To merely let go of this burdensome age barrier and nerve racking societal pressure and instead consider ourselves a new born individual arrived into this chaotically magical world?

That brings me to the third and final step which is sort of practical; to build your identity from your untouched internal environment, which is not influenced by any external obligations.

If I were to build my identity from the scratch I would want to learn about survival skills for my body (external environment) and the intellect (Memory and character building part) for starters.

I would learn few basic skills or tools (which I believe should be taught since childhood);

So now the checklist for me has entirely changed:

ü Communication skills

ü Buying/Selling skills

ü Public speaking skills

ü Financial education

ü Psychology

ü Physical training

ü Nutrition

ü Sex education

ü Mental Health

ü Meditation

 

Imagine a crow drowned under the sea, trying to find its way out, would a predator shark looking for food waste it’s time on thinking about what is this unusual creature doing here or simply would catch it’s prey?

How the crow got drowned in the river? Did it forget its innate virtue of flying or was it born inside the sea? What if we it had accepted that this is its real fate, forget about its drenched wings, shed feathers and try hard to learn swimming, knowing that it won’t work since the very beginning….