Is it our lives which has become so fickle or is it our frivilously predictable mindsets ?

Ever since I started gaining certain perspective of my well being, I always tried to match my conscience with the validation of people around me. I mean I did have an opinion of my own but it only mattered if it got approved by someone else. When I turned 18 I realized that I need to take a charge of myself and own up to my decisions what so ever they may be, and here I am exactly 10 years later mulling over every life decision of mine and questioning my inner conflict and the purpose of my existence. Evidently I am an over-thinker but in my defense I am at that point in my life where I really want to know the reason to live. I am genuinely blessed and grateful. I really am! But I don’t feel happy. I don’t relate to this person whom I am have become, every life encounter which I have had has affected me so immensely that now I feel empty and there is this void within me. I have given all of it which I had in me and now I feel clueless and exhausted. What kind of identity cr...

  Nowadays I have been sleeping for long hours, strength training as per my body needs and most of all spending a lot of time with myself. I usually go on a walk on my rooftop alone at midnight or late evening after finishing my quality time with my new friend ‘Cinderella’(Yup that’s her name)   for her it’s her play time. It’s so strange that I have cut off almost all ties with every human being except my family, evidently. My friends are more or less my dogs, cats and melodious birds who usually reach here on my terrace after a long arduous day of flying, in search of food and water. While I watch them in serenity during my reading/mediation time, mostly during early evening hours after I finish having a cup of tea with my grandmother.   They know all my secrets and my desires and they love me without asking for anything in return. The need of having a human connection is somewhat mandatory in order to thrive in this world. Is it? Last week, I had gone somewhe...

Life is not fair not that it ever will, this is an obsolete statement for a dreamer like me, I would like to make it fair for myself somehow and I will. I have always been a wanderer. I always wanted to explore all aspects of life in order to understand the real meaning behind it. My mind has always been overly active, curious and I have usually been seeking answers to all my queries; why is it like that? Why it can’t be this way instead? What if we do it this way or the other? You got to be optimistic in order to survive in this world especially if you are my kind of non conformist or non-mainstream individual. It took me a while to understand or quite literally two years of isolation, anti depressants, multiple therapy sessions, detachment, remorse, loneliness, grief and so many other emotions to finally come to terms with my individual identity. I am mysterious, inquisitive, aloof, extremely sentimental and affectionate. Yet it is still difficult to live with a person li...