Silence; not merely just lack of noise

 Nowadays I have been sleeping for long hours, strength training as per my body needs and most of all spending a lot of time with myself.

I usually go on a walk on my rooftop alone at midnight or late evening after finishing my quality time with my new friend ‘Cinderella’(Yup that’s her name)  for her it’s her play time.

It’s so strange that I have cut off almost all ties with every human being except my family, evidently. My friends are more or less my dogs, cats and melodious birds who usually reach here on my terrace after a long arduous day of flying, in search of food and water. While I watch them in serenity during my reading/mediation time, mostly during early evening hours after I finish having a cup of tea with my grandmother.  

They know all my secrets and my desires and they love me without asking for anything in return.

The need of having a human connection is somewhat mandatory in order to thrive in this world. Is it?

Last week, I had gone somewhere to fill up some form where I had to put a name as a reference other than my family members. I was stunned and frozen for a while because I couldn’t think of anyone and the guy kept asking me ‘There must be somebody out there’ ‘There has to be someone that you might know of’ and then the heated debate started where I began to argue illogically, that what if there is no one for anyone? There has to be some criteria for those lone wolves! And in the middle of that discussion I realized, that those loners don’t go out in public and make a display of their loneliness!

 The same evening I started contemplating about my identity because clearly I have that identity crisis going on for a while. (Topic of my next blog)

I have gotten the chance to know many people in my life, but nobody liked to remain attached with my kind of personality or in some cases I deliberately detach myself from certain people as I thought it was getting too much for another person to handle the drama and constant nagging.

And here I am still hoping to have someone for eternity! Sounds bizarre! Although I genuinely think I deserve it, I do!

Never did I think that I am going to be at this point in my life where I will become so delusional and aloof, and that’s the problem, I never imagined myself in this position!

I genuinely remained in my dreamy fictional world where everything is magical up till now, where reality has hit me really hard and that bubble has busted. However, it’s my genuine believe that there is a miracle waiting for me to find it.

Yes it all sounds too irrational and irrelevant theoretically, but to me, it’s still not!

I have become friends with the silence and scarcity of words; I most certainly believe in my feelings and emotions just what I have learned from my true friends.

 Like, my cat ‘snow white’ (Look, even my pet names are inspired by fictional characters!) she didn’t utter a word (not that she can, obviously!)

Nevertheless, she genuinely has touched every emotion of mine simply through her gigantic starry eyes! She went through excruciating pain and trauma at such a tender age, still she taught me resilience and patience.  

The most important sensation is actually the emotion; the ability to feel for someone, it could be love or genuine care. No matter how much you see, hear, taste or touch if you don’t feel good about something or someone then ultimately that sight, voice, taste and touch never last for long.

Silence teaches you a great deal of lessons;

-         It makes you an observer than a reactor

-         It calms your impetuous energy down and make you sharper

-         It gives you time to analyze both sides of the coin

-         It empowers you with toughness and clarity.

Like with one expression, silence can emote every feeling. Just like how animals do, they truly amaze me; we have to read between the lines through their eyes, their expressions or their body language.

Humans are nonetheless the same, they are usually seen prattling about every other thing, but they won’t really utter what is supposed to be said, and you have to gauge their intentions through their actions.

The constant urge to be surrounded by noise in order to feel less lonely makes you even lonelier, it’s devastating! Ask me about it.

I like to remain attach to those unadulterated spirits who understand my silence and in return I understand theirs.

As with the right kind of company it’s the feeling which will explain everything. You won’t even have to say a word, your eyes will speak, your energy will transfer and sometimes you don’t even have to be present to make them feel your presence and vice versa.