Is it our lives which has become so fickle or is it our frivilously predictable mindsets ?

Its strange how everything change in no time, I almost started my previous career a decade ago (which I have abandoned after analyzing certain facts about my personality), and here I am writing yet another blog in my red checkered night suit with my restless mind. I feel a remarkable difference in my persona yet everything seems chaotic from the inside and numb from the outside. The issue was always about looking for some kind of refuge and comfort outside of me which is disappointing every time. The idea that great things take time, and that one has to be patient to achieve what they actually genuinely want form life is fairly understood by my disorganized mind, yet, I can’t seem to accept it fully. I don’t run away from calling myself a massive failure at something which I chose for me on the basis of what I thought I’d be able to pull it off for the rest of my life when I was 17, inexperienced and full of dreams and desires! And I wouldn’t be ashamed to accept that through...

  I believe I am a hopeful romantic!  I know too many facts and all of the harsh reality around me that I don’t want to be a part of it. I want to create my own world of possibilities and abundance. Does that make me an imaginative, not ready to comply with the reality and a foolish person? It’s true that I am half of the time fantasizing about everything, nowadays mostly about the afterlife! For a person like me I need constant reality check and it’s not like I don’t get to hear and see it all the time but how I feel and perceive things has some remarkable difference than what’s happening around me and this is exactly the cause of my depression and anxiety. Nevertheless I very affirmatively believe that the life in my head is what I can create around me soon.   Yes, it will take some time but nothing worth having comes easy in life! What do I need to survive is actually some hope and mostly love! I very foolishly tried to look for it outside of me all my ...

  Imagine entering in a café full of loud noises and smelling an aroma of coffee and other mouth watering desserts! Back in 2018 while I was working aimlessly to escape from my thoughts and the reality around me, I had became this numb directionless adult who was adult-ing but at the verge of breaking down every night and day trying to compile myself whenever I used to see people around me. Strangers I could handle! But known faces used to irk me a lot. It literally felt like one of them might just ask me what’s wrong with me? and me being me would shock them with my elaborated, honest yet interesting response which none of the individuals around me were keen to even talk about (Trust me I have done it several times and the response I have gotten from those people are something like ‘she definitely needs therapy!’ I mean obviously that’s a very touchy and a cliched question to ask someone and we all very casually ask each other almost every day: “How are you doing?” Neverthel...