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How consulting a psychiatrist validated my conscience

 Not being able to get whatever you want from life, and surrounding yourself with dark depressing thoughts all the time and most importantly with constant over thinking would lead anyone to a psychiatrist.

All of that motivated me enough for sure!

It’s funny and not so funny at the same time.

The idea of self isolating and not being able to relate with the people and the environment around you is mostly dependent on the choices which you have made in your life.

You cannot blame your past or the people around you for your condition.

It is entirely your responsibility.

I was fed up of myself, my state of mind and of the future.

I felt hopeless and miserable to an extent that I had become numb and silent for an entire week.

Obviously it was all accompanied by Insomnia, anger spells, panic attacks and cries.

According to the popular opinion of my surroundings, it’s all because of me not doing anything and the lack of ambition and purpose in my life.

Another opinion was that I have become delusional which I am totally agreeing with.

I know for a fact that it’s not just me there are many of us who even when while keeping themselves so occupied and ticking all the necessary boxes which are essential acquire stability in their lives have somehow gotten succumb to the stress and have been declared as mentally ill.

Being diagnosed with mental illness is as serious as getting diagnosed with terminal disorder, saying it just for the record.

It’s still a stigma in our society but it’s as rough and hard on you as any terminal illness.

Trust me.

You know when a person irrespective of their gender decides to ask for help how much courage it actually requires.

It’s completely acceptable that most of us are somewhat stressed and pressured but inability to cope up with the stress or your surroundings can lead to severe consequences in your daily lives and up on your mental health.

Well enough with the melodrama.

I finally took the decision to seek help. I know it’s not a big deal for everybody else but for a person like me who is extremely curious and wants to know the why behind everything it was a massive step.

It’s a not a fairytale that, I found my issue I dealt with it and now I am in a ‘happily ever after’ state.

To be honest, my story which felt like a dead end a week ago has begun again.

That ‘visiting a psychiatrist’ move actually helped me redefine certain aspects of my personality which got unquestionably disguised under the dark cloud of hopelessness and despair:

I am a way too courageous than how much I undermine myself.

I have some great amount of patience and gratitude indebted in my core personality.

I know when exactly to ask for help and to remain resilient with my decisions.

I am very individualistic and opinionated.

I can channelize my over thinking into imagination and creativity. (‘Become productive now!’ (Like how ‘they’ all speak to me))

I can get completely vulnerable in front of a stranger, which actually comes from a safe place of being secure about my insecurities.

I was wondering why I was panicking, and the answer I got from me today is very simple; I am doing less and thinking more.

I have filled my mind with the thoughts of fears and failures, and that is why it’s being wildly reflected back at me.

Whether in the form of panic attacks or may be as simply as not being able to get back up and continuously revisiting opinions of other people who don’t even know what I am aiming for.

So, for now I can’t change my immediate environment and I can’t change their views but what can I do for myself is completely change my inner environment and let me be at peace with myself first in order to take major action in my life, starting with coming to terms with my idea of how I want to live my life and accepting that it’s alright if people have their views contrary to mine.

At least in that manner, I am agreeing to disagree.

 

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