What are you most afraid of ?

Is it cockroaches, lizards or that extra flab on your body, or your dusky dark skin, or your short/tall stature, or your inability to speak in a certain language, or not having to afford branded clothes, watches, business class travel trips or the most exquisite car? I mean, aren’t we all afraid of losing out on those materialistic desires than losing ourselves in this banal struggle of proving to others, that oh look at my extravagant lifestyle but talk shit about me behind my back, because I am only about flaunting my materialistic gains, but I am nothing about my virtues and my character.

In this day and age we are crazy about selfies and showing off our privileges to others, to get likes and comments but are too afraid to show others the real us.

So much so, that our family and co-workers or even our close mates have no idea, what battles we are fighting within and vice versa.

It’s all been taught to us that: ‘the thing which we fear the most we should do it more often’, ‘there is triumph after conquering your fears’. And not to my surprise, your fears are actually climbing mountains, deep sea diving, sky diving, speaking in front of some small minds who will judge you on the basis of your looks and your style sense but not on the original content which you are putting out there.

It’s so disheartening to know that our media and our society, our elders and even us, just never let us be. We have been brought up in such a way that the moment we express our vulnerabilities or our weaknesses we are judged as being too anxious and fragile, on the contrary it is the bravest thing to do in life.

Now, finally let me talk about what fears do I have or simply I can put it in a way that I am actually living my fears:

To begin with let me tell you an honest truth, I have always trained my brain to be fearless in any situation in life, but I always used to get succumbed by the small mindedness and trivial judgments of others, I am calling those people mediocre, because they were all trying to fit in and behave in a certain way among that group of losers, who try to act cool and unkind to show their unnecessary power, and all that act of pretentiousness and swag is of no use. That I realized very late in life, but it’s never too late.

So, the thing which I most feared in my life from the very beginning was having no ambitions in life or feeling lost, well, here I am struggling to find my true purpose.

Another thing which terrorized me was obviously loss of my loved ones, and once it had happened in the past when I lost my first pet, but recently my father passed away in his battle with cancer but I am relieved by now as he was miserable here, and that he is in a far better place.

It frightened me to be living with zero money in my bank account, and not having the luxury to go out and afford shopping, random visits in new cool eateries or for anything. I gave away all of my savings during the financial crisis which we had to go through in the recent past, it’s funny but while I am living with this fear, it’s completely alright to be minimalistic in life, and to cut down on my redundant and meaningless expenditures.

I am a girl, so knowingly; I was all about monthly salon visits and grooming and more so it was all about vanity and glitziness. But it surprised me amazingly that it was absolutely unnecessary and a waste of time, I can take care of myself, on my own and in my comfort. Now that fear has long gone, beauty is not defined by outer glow; it’s more of your inner charm and your inner truth.

I feared on being used by people of this world for being too innocent, naïve and gullible, but after a point I realized that, it is actually my strength. The issue was I tried to pretend all smart and shrewd but it never worked out, and in that process I had been taken advantage of my stupid innocence so many times, but that’s their deed not mine.

I was most afraid of the same old phrase “what will people say”, and was always ashamed of showing my inner free spirited but honest personality, to live the life so secured and safe that not being able to live at all, I was disgusted and used to feel trapped, and then I started living my life on my terms, it was when I didn’t understand the meaning of freedom. Freedom is not just being financially independent and does whatever you like but it is about being who you really are and acceptance of your existence and purpose in life.

I can go on and on about my apprehensions and trepidation but what I am trying to impose here is the fear of being our original self and to exhibit it unrepentantly is what we must try to conquer.

Be fearlessly you.