Self Realization

One fine day you wake up and you feel numb, you don’t feel any energy or zest within you, you don’t even feel like talking to anybody.

Why? Because last night was extremely painful and miserable, and not just last night but several other nights, and all of that suffering resulted from the choices which you made throughout your lives.

Is it just me or anyone else can relate to it too? Well in the real world these sentiments are termed as depression. to be honest i have been advised by my family, friends and acquaintances to consult a therapist, and i do admit to visit a psychotherapist once but it was of no help.

Why? because I knew what was happening with me, I was ignoring myself, I was escaping from my own reality, I needed to consult myself first before anyone can consult or help me ever.

So before this pandemic happened, I voluntarily opted to quarantine myself, to take a break from all the outside noises, and to listen to my inner voice, I chose to calm that anxious energy in me all by myself.

I had got so many questions but no answers, I realized that nobody would ever be my rescuer but me, I was looking for myself in others, I was seeking my truth and my worth in others.

And somehow while surviving, I became this pretentious being who was just following the norm, and not what i actually really want.

I found myself writing in the midst of all the misery, aches and suffering. Trust me the emotional agony and pain is as difficult as the physical pain of letting go of all the vanity and luxury, but what really helps, is the fact that I can go unabashed and express how much and whatever I can, and feel good at the end of the day, rather than feeling hollow and listless, and yes it is just the beginning of my new journey.