The Art of pretending!

 It’s a silent room; my therapist is sitting opposite to me asking about my wellbeing, usually I am very hyper and expressive, mostly incoherent in my conversations about my thoughts and feelings on various subjects and events with him. However this time I was quite reticent and numb.

I was pretty much composed and calm (The opposite of what he has seen so far!).

Everything was normal; there was no anxiety or distress. I was not crying or yelling.

I am already off medications and I was fine.

All this change was due to the understanding which I have developed during the past few years. I learnt the art of acting; Thanks to the short online course on acting which I took last year to help me with the content creation work on my social media page on fitness and health.

Yes! I took that course!

I am a born actor! I genuinely am.

I have always been that kind of a girl who lives in her own imaginary world. I never needed anyone! Everything and everyone I wanted I’d create an image in my head! This schizophrenic freaky attitude was never coinciding with my real life and I was happy about it, until I allowed few outside reality, people and events to cross my blood barrier and enter inside my brain cortex. All this could have never penetrated inside it except with the help of few co-transporters like love, attachment and desire.

Sounds too geeky! Never mind.

What actually happened was that my inner fantasy got intermixed with the outside reality and that mismatch created the fuss. I lost control, and I was unable to distinguish between the two phenomena’s!

Too confusing right? I complicated it all by myself.

The reality of this world is as legit and harsh as it shows. There isn’t any hidden agenda behind it. To survive, you need to work for your bread and butter. As long as you are residing in a house you will have to pay your bills and work to earn for it and so on and so forth.

Nevertheless what you have got inside your head; all your imaginations, thoughts, desires, feelings which is a part of your inner reality has nothing to do with the outside world.

You could be a destitute in reality, but if from inside you feel you are born to be rich and behave and imagine yourself just like a king, the outer reality would not bother you much because you know who you are and if you work towards it then you can change your entire scenario upside down.

Initially it would require a lot of hard work and consistency but as long as you are convinced and if you have created a fine balance between the two then the rest of the task just works on autopilot.

The art of acting =~ the art of balancing

To me it’s about creating an accord between my imaginations (or my delusions) and the reality.

Life doesn’t just happen, life is actually happening. You got to realize it as soon as you can. What I have learnt at this point in my life is ‘you simply have major control over one thing, and that is your thought process.’

The inner imaginary world which I was talking about has a pivotal role to play. If you genuinely want to be happy you got to keep yourself alienated from the harsh real world and you might just have to create a separate boundary for yourself.

At the moment while I am typing this it’s raining outside in reality while from the inside I am in my own reverie enjoying my solitude and peace (my sacred companion). I feel blessed. For now there is no separation between the two worlds and here I find my bliss. I have achieved that control, although I am still trying to attain the balance as there is a void or longing for eternity and beyond….. However I know I will fill that space soon.

Pretentiousness is not bogus. It’s actually an art!

If I see myself from the outside or anyone who knows me personally sees me from the outside I’d be unrecognizable but what has actually transformed is from within.